Ah, how beautiful are lovers! With superpowers to stop time, to color a gray life in bright colors, how they know how to love from the heart with even virgin bodies,
how they can be perfect for each other without any effort, how they are pointed out not by elderly people but by those who have aged in vain, how fragile they are but stronger than any hatred.

How much we miss that cocktail of hormones that intoxicates us with happiness, the kind where you don’t know anything about yourself but you. That cocktail that started wars and stopped others, like the Nobel paradox.

All my life I have admired the efficiency and phonetics of the English language but I have not understood its feelings and depths because I do not speak this language natively. I have never understood why they would express love as something so dramatic and fatal: “to FALL in love”.

A fall implies a regression, a trauma, a disaster is anticipated, it has no connotation towards a situation you would ever want to be in…and then?

I had meditated one morning absolutely randomly on “what it would be like to fall, being in space”: floating in nothingness, enjoying the idyllic canvas of galaxies in 360, I suddenly got caught in a gravitational wave of nothingness below me and I fall to infinity, pulling me down, at speed, like in a faulty elevator that falls freely in a skyscraper (it’s still 9/11 today, as I write).

I had been seized by a ridiculous fear even though I was in my living room, on solid parquet, safe. I could see the fall in my mind’s eye, I could feel the emptiness in my stomach and the flesh on me with a different heaviness. I was screaming for help but I was alone, I was crying at the idea of ​​imminent death. I knew it was false in my material reality, I knew it was real in my emotional one. I was in both places. In that consensual cage of the madness of the moment I decided to stay there, to fall at speed, to see until I scream and I will be afraid, how far do I have to fall to stop being afraid? Do I ever stop? What’s next? What’s next?

That adrenaline rush without moving a muscle is my favorite place to be, it’s my source of wisdom. These journeys give me answers to my questions. To feel how you fall into an infinite abyss and to feel safe at the same time, the “crazy” in love can understand. That freedom to be, that so puerile but assumed defiance of death that looks you in the eye, lovers know it.

And I sat, and I sweated in my lotus position, and when I could no longer sweat and breathe, I stopped falling, and I stopped screaming. And I was no longer afraid. And I sat in my fearlessness for minutes on end. I felt freedom, I felt love, and in my body that weighed as little as a feather, I felt the Present Moment.
And I understood infinity one more gram.
I have fallen in love.